Sometime in 2007, Tiga achieved Full Online Consciousness. This has given him the ability to speak directly to you through the computer, a miracle you will only now come to fully appreciate:

My Name Is Tiga. Welcome to the Bio-Dome, mec!

As you know, my remix work has slowed considerably as of late. While my versions of tracks by Alter Ego, New Young Pony Club, The Gossip and Human League have only enhanced my reputation as the Sex Whiz of Sonic Parkour, I felt I needed to start hoarding my best ideas for my own music. The remix of Alter Ego’s “Gary”, for instance, forced me to cannibalize much of the work I’d done in my now-legendary sessions with Bobby McFerrin. It was then that I knew that I had to draw the line.

The seeds for ZZT, my ongoing collaboration with Zombie Nation, when we hit it off at the semi-biannual Gigolo High-Earners Galmour Pageant and Hot Meal. After falling out with Gigolo over accusations of cyber-arson, I approached him about working together, possibly on music. I soon came to love his thing-throwing, humor-having ways. Our tracks tend to be “live” in nature, in that we try to only use parts that require four hands at a time. Or 19 fingers and three lips. It depends.

Rainier Werner Bassfinder takes everything great about my work with Jesper Dahlback and takes it to a new level. One that forces me to use a fake name. I chose the moniker “The Dove” for reasons contractual and shame-based. Probably 70/30, contract/shame. Oh, Michael Gothard, I only wanted to do right by you!

Over the past few years, I have continued to tour the globe extensively. I have eaten Club Sandwiches in over 60 countries and done “The Sandwich” in over 600 clubs. I was also brave enough to visit the Middle East, with a harrowing trip to war-ravaged Dubai. I was taken falconing (this is 100 percent true), which was strange enough before I found out that the falcons undergo extensive plastic surgery to look more like celebrities. My falcon, I was told, was supposed to resemble Ethan Hawke. I don’t know who that is.

The past few years have also seen a resurgence at my record label, Turbo. The work done by Thomas Von Party in A&R and Oliver Interactive in International Business Affairs has been invaluable. I can’t express how much I appreciate their efforts in making Turbo the Towerhorse it is today. I would be remiss, however, in not mentioning the real star of the show, our Branding Consultant, Brandon Branding.

Brandon saw ways of expanding our brand in new and exciting directions. He insisted I start participating in community soccer leagues to lend an “everyman” quality to my daunting brilliance. I was skeptical at first, but soon I came to treasure seeing the faces of 50-year-old men in goggles light up as I take the field. I am a defense-minded, vaguely passive-aggressive midfielder, and have trained online with Ghana international Michael Essien.

Mr. Branding also encouraged me to write for the label, birthing a torrid run of press sheets that has sparked in me a love of letters deep and true. Now I write all the time. I even replaced my car’s paneling with dry-erase board, so that I may lean out the driver’s seat window at a moment’s notice to scrawl away at the face of literature.

Today, our reach extends even further, thanks to my venturing into the world of amateur inventing. There’s the Grocery Claw, aimed at those who rightly abhor what I call Market Filth. And, with an eye towards the future of our planet, Solar-Powered Wind.

Most importantly, 2009 will see the release of my new LP, “Ciao!” This album will surely cement my status as a Storytella and Funky Fella. “Ciao!” is the fruit of 15 months of collaborations with such leading lights as Soulwax, Jesper Dahlback, Gonzales, Jori Hulkonnen, Jake Shears and James Murphy. An impressive roster, to say the least. What was that? What do you mean, “What?” That sound you just made! It was like a snort, a dismissive snort. have you worked with, then, genius? Sting Jr.? That weirdo form Simply Red? Lady Sting? I am not impressed in the least.

All in all, at the end of the day, I can’t help but gaze into the reflecting pool and think to myself, “I guess I really turned the night on, huh?”

1976 – 2003, “The Creation Myth”
“The citizen may take a bride, but it is the rifleman who takes a lover. Ultimately we all must choose either the myth or the mountain.”
The origins of Montreal born DJ-producer-incipient Teutonic legend Tiga lie to the vague and troubling East, where he was weaned on the nefarious milk of the notorious 1980s Indian club scene.“To the unforgiving eye,” he says of the sybaritic night-kingdom,“a world of filth and decadence is revealed. For example, I’m fairly certain that more than a few club owners had an unsavory arrangement with the man who brought the folding chairs. I was at once appalled and enraptured. After that, I had no choice in the matter.”
By 1990, Tiga had returned to Montreal, prodigiousl